BEND, Ore. — For the last three years, I’ve has taken it upon myself to be the unofficial mental health reporter at Central Oregon Daily News. After suffering a deep emotional trauma, I decided to share the lessons learned in recovery, as they happened, in hopes that it would serve as a life ring to those who were also suffering.
The mental health editions of “Little Did I Know” have been some of the most highly valued with viewers, mainly because there’s a lot about mental health that I didn’t know.
For years I’ve been sharing all the things I didn’t about the history of Central Oregon with the invaluable help of Kelly Cannon-Miller and her staff at the Deschutes Historical Museum. But three years ago when we were heading into the Christmas season as we are now, I was going through one of the deepest emotional traumas of my life.
Normally I would’ve have dealt with it alone with the help of friends and family. But something inside me said “Don’t hide it. Shine a light on what you don’t know about mental health.” So, I have.
Over the years, I’ve shared what I learned about seasonal depression, the pain of isolation versus the benefits of solitude and even the crippling weight of suicide.
So what is the most valuable thing I have learned in these past three years in regards to mental, or what I like to call spiritual health? I can tell you in five words.
Don’t stop trying. Stop forcing.
Now I know. It only took me half a century. I spent the better part of my life believing if I worked harder than everyone else, I’d get what I want.
My emotional trauma those years ago proved me otherwise. And the lesson I took from that experience is that we are the ones who choose how we respond to every situation. Our mind is our liberator or our enslaver. Let’s take a look at a real world example.
Recently, Steve Koski — the senior pastor at First Presbyterian Church — told me a story about a flight he was on. Turbulence hit and the older woman next to him clutched the armrests like she was going into battle.
But the little girl across the aisle?
“The five year old across the aisle was in sheer delight. It’s like she was in Disneyland. It’s like every time the plane would kind of go down, ‘Whee!’ She was in complete delight having the time of her life,” Koski said. “Same situation, same plane, same experience, same turbulence. But each of them processed it differently. One processed it ‘You know, it’s not supposed to be like this. I hate this. This is awful.’ The other processed it as ‘This is fun.’”
I’ve learned that letting go isn’t about giving up. It’s loving something as it is, not as you demand it to be. Like a mug that my friend Michael Steven’s teacher was showing off to him one day.
“Wow, this mug is so wonderful. I love this mug. It’s my favorite mug,” said Stevens of the Natural Mind Dharma Center. “Takes a sip of tea. And this is wonderful. Oh, look at how beautiful this is. And then he sets it down. He says, but the reason I like that so much is because I know it’s already smashed on the floor. And in this moment, while I have it, it’s precious and it holds tea really well. And I like it, but it’ll be gone, you know, just like life will be gone. And it comes and it goes. Jobs, relationships, everything comes and it goes. It’s what they call the law of impermanence in Buddhism.”
Sometimes the hardest spiritual test comes when the place you want to go and the place the river is taking you are two very different directions. That’s where I am, right now.
A couple of months ago, a fork in the river appeared out of nowhere and I paddled against it … hard!
But eventually I had to stop forcing, I had to let go of nearly everything I’ve come to hold dear. But if you truly love something or some place, you’ve got to set it free.
“And so if we try to grasp and hold something, you know, tightly, as if it won’t change, that basically it goes against the laws of the universe, essentially. And, and it also squeezes the life out of what we’re holding,” Stevens said.
So with a lot of mixed feelings — gratitude, sadness, excitement and surely a few denial cookies stashed in the cupboard — my last day at Central Oregon Daily News will be next Friday, Dec. 19. It’s not because I don’t love it here. In fact, this has been the best job, in the best part of the world, that I’ve ever encountered.
But I’m a meteorologist — a weather dork down to my core and the river has decided to lead me back to that passion. So starting next year, I will be moving to Atlanta to become a full time meteorologist at The Weather Channel.
That’s right. Weather Dork Central of the United States, perhaps even the world.
I don’t want to leave the only place I’ve ever really considered home. But this thick skull has finally come to accept and even find solace in getting quiet, getting humble and knowing when to trust and release.
“You know, I tried to control the weather. I tried to control my partner and I’ve tried to control traffic. And so far I’m oh-for-three,” Koski said.
And let’s face it. You know me. I’ll be back.
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